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Jealousy is the opposite of love.
Love says, I care about you.
Jealousy says, I care about me. I care about what you can do for me, and how you make me feel. Jealousy says you are my possession. You can’t think your own thoughts, and you can’t leave .
Love says I care about you just the way you are. I accept you with all your strengths and weakness. I don’t own you. You are free to make your own decisions. I like it when you agree with me, I like it we are together and the way I feel when you are near but that must be real. It must be what you want. I don’t want you if I have to force you to hang around. I don’t want you if you don’t want me.
Jealousy is about self. Love is about others as well as self.
Unless you are looking for adventure and a lot of drama run like crazy from a relationship with a jealous person.
Are you in a jealous relationship?
15.12.10
2.12.10
Love and Relationships
Love and Relationships
Sex really is not the most important thing in the world, or even in a marriage. What is of far more importance is how the people treat each other. Do they have respect, for each other, are they honest with each other, or are they controlling, jealous or self- centered? Do they support each other, believe in each other, help each other and encourage each other to grow? Can they talk about things, do they care about the other person’s welfare, and do they show love more than say it?
Don’t buy me gifts, and don’t tell me you love me. Well, you can say it sometimes but hold me when I cry, help me up when I stumble, talk to me. Share with me your bad day, your accomplishments, your dreams, your needs, and allow me to share those same feelings with you.
Love is not exclusive. I believe that if a person has that kind of love in a marriage they will have the same kind of love for others. I don’t think a controlling self-centered, jealous person changes just because of a certificate or marriage vows. Specifically, I am saying I love my children, my neighbor and everyone the same way I loved my husband but intimate relations are separate.
Intimate relations then are in addition to love. They become special, meaningful, binding, sacred and only for my spouse. That relationship is the result of love and commitment not the reason for it. In other words the intimate relationship should come about as the result of commitment. Intimate relationships without commitment, without the kind of love described above are meaningless. Such relationships are like an ice cream bar on a hot day. They melt fast and are soon gone. That is exactly what some people want and that’s fine. But commitment is meat and potatoes all the time. To me this is far more a meaningful love.
Do you agree or disagree?
~ Ceil
Ceil
Sex really is not the most important thing in the world, or even in a marriage. What is of far more importance is how the people treat each other. Do they have respect, for each other, are they honest with each other, or are they controlling, jealous or self- centered? Do they support each other, believe in each other, help each other and encourage each other to grow? Can they talk about things, do they care about the other person’s welfare, and do they show love more than say it?
Don’t buy me gifts, and don’t tell me you love me. Well, you can say it sometimes but hold me when I cry, help me up when I stumble, talk to me. Share with me your bad day, your accomplishments, your dreams, your needs, and allow me to share those same feelings with you.
Love is not exclusive. I believe that if a person has that kind of love in a marriage they will have the same kind of love for others. I don’t think a controlling self-centered, jealous person changes just because of a certificate or marriage vows. Specifically, I am saying I love my children, my neighbor and everyone the same way I loved my husband but intimate relations are separate.
Intimate relations then are in addition to love. They become special, meaningful, binding, sacred and only for my spouse. That relationship is the result of love and commitment not the reason for it. In other words the intimate relationship should come about as the result of commitment. Intimate relationships without commitment, without the kind of love described above are meaningless. Such relationships are like an ice cream bar on a hot day. They melt fast and are soon gone. That is exactly what some people want and that’s fine. But commitment is meat and potatoes all the time. To me this is far more a meaningful love.
Do you agree or disagree?
~ Ceil
Ceil
22.11.10
When Love Makes You Crazy
The examples given below are actual dialogue from my life experiences. Names have been changed. These defense tactics, whether used by a child, spouse, sibling or other, work all too well but if you know about them, you don’t have to be the victim. I am so grateful that I found Kim and Steve Cooper and grew a backbone. Do any of these examples sound familiar?
Example:
During an argument with his wife Al stated, “Jim threatened me.”
“I don’t believe that,” Sue responded “Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s having an affair with you and wants me out of the way.”
“That’s crazy. Why would you think that?”
“Because I heard you tell Alice you wanted to move in with him.”
“I did no such thing.”
Defense Tactic: Confabulation, noun, meaning to converse or to speak. In psychology a fabricated narration told as truth.
Sue grabbed the phone and began dialing. “Alice, did I ever say to you that I wanted to move in with Jim?”
Alice answered, “No.”
“Would you please tell Al that?” Sue offered the phone to Al and he refused to take it.
Example:
Sally truly loved everyone including Jack. She thought of him as her son and always invited him to family gatherings. The grandchildren loved to have Jack come and he seemed to enjoy being with them. Sudenly he stopped visiting and when Sally asked him about it he made it her fault. While Sally did not understand what she had done to cause this, she cried and apologized profusely.
Defense Tactic: Gaslighting, verb, meaning arrogant intimidation. Stalling. Psychological abuse in which one individual tries to make another individual believe an untruth.
Example:
When asked about her behavior Jane stated, “I have no need to defend myself.” Another time she said, “I have no desire to help you understand anything.”
Defense Tactic: Stonewalling, verb. Delaying tactics. Refusing to talk. Ignoring request or questions.
At one time Kim Cooper was being stonewalled by her husband Steve. As you can imagine this made life very disorganized and confusing. Kim loved Steve and did not want the marriage to end in divorce but things could not go on the way they were. By following her insides Kim was able to make some changes in her own life that eventually caused Steve to change.
Today Kim and Steve run a web site that offers help to those who love someone with similar problems. Steve now talks openly about the tactics he used to keep Kim confused so that he could feel safe with her and continue his double life. Together they are now able to help both the abuser and the abused as they relate their experiences in the e-books, weekly emails and videos offered on the site.
As in the example of gaslighting given above, many people wonder if they are the one starting the fights. Kim has three questions that accurately identifies the abuser from the abused. In the search for her own answers, Kim has taken the advice of professionals and put it into layman’s terms in her e-books. You can find Kim and Steve Cooper on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Kim-and-Steve-Cooper-of-Fightbusters-and-The-Love-Safety-Net/118928306447 or go directly to their site at http://www.narcissismcured.com
Please cut and paste into your browser if links do not work.
Example:
During an argument with his wife Al stated, “Jim threatened me.”
“I don’t believe that,” Sue responded “Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s having an affair with you and wants me out of the way.”
“That’s crazy. Why would you think that?”
“Because I heard you tell Alice you wanted to move in with him.”
“I did no such thing.”
Defense Tactic: Confabulation, noun, meaning to converse or to speak. In psychology a fabricated narration told as truth.
Sue grabbed the phone and began dialing. “Alice, did I ever say to you that I wanted to move in with Jim?”
Alice answered, “No.”
“Would you please tell Al that?” Sue offered the phone to Al and he refused to take it.
Example:
Sally truly loved everyone including Jack. She thought of him as her son and always invited him to family gatherings. The grandchildren loved to have Jack come and he seemed to enjoy being with them. Sudenly he stopped visiting and when Sally asked him about it he made it her fault. While Sally did not understand what she had done to cause this, she cried and apologized profusely.
Defense Tactic: Gaslighting, verb, meaning arrogant intimidation. Stalling. Psychological abuse in which one individual tries to make another individual believe an untruth.
Example:
When asked about her behavior Jane stated, “I have no need to defend myself.” Another time she said, “I have no desire to help you understand anything.”
Defense Tactic: Stonewalling, verb. Delaying tactics. Refusing to talk. Ignoring request or questions.
At one time Kim Cooper was being stonewalled by her husband Steve. As you can imagine this made life very disorganized and confusing. Kim loved Steve and did not want the marriage to end in divorce but things could not go on the way they were. By following her insides Kim was able to make some changes in her own life that eventually caused Steve to change.
Today Kim and Steve run a web site that offers help to those who love someone with similar problems. Steve now talks openly about the tactics he used to keep Kim confused so that he could feel safe with her and continue his double life. Together they are now able to help both the abuser and the abused as they relate their experiences in the e-books, weekly emails and videos offered on the site.
As in the example of gaslighting given above, many people wonder if they are the one starting the fights. Kim has three questions that accurately identifies the abuser from the abused. In the search for her own answers, Kim has taken the advice of professionals and put it into layman’s terms in her e-books. You can find Kim and Steve Cooper on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Kim-and-Steve-Cooper-of-Fightbusters-and-The-Love-Safety-Net/118928306447 or go directly to their site at http://www.narcissismcured.com
Please cut and paste into your browser if links do not work.
11.9.10
Perfect Brightness of Hope
The book is --A Latter Day Saint’s Journey Through Alcoholism Addiction.
"I encourage every parent, teacher; coach, teenager and superstar to read this book. No one can read it without self-examination. I will never be the same and I am grateful for that fact."
—Steve Young, former NLF quarterback
"I encourage every parent, teacher; coach, teenager and superstar to read this book. No one can read it without self-examination. I will never be the same and I am grateful for that fact."
—Steve Young, former NLF quarterback
The Perfect Brightness of Hope by Phil S.
My Favorite Path this month is The book The Perfect Brightness of Hope written by Phil S.
When I was in nursing school, I recall a great debate going on about whether alcoholism was a diseases or a medical condition. If drinking is a condition then it is simply a matter of choice or discipline and it is true that many are able to manage their drinking so it does not become a habit. But when consumption becomes an addiction, it is a disease. For this reason the American Medical Association list alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections. The real issue then becomes one of addiction. As Phil points out in his prolog, addictions vary.
He says, “I define a –“holic” as anyone who engages repeatedly in destructive behaviors: spiritual, physical, or emotional.”
Wow! I love that.
Phil goes on to say, “These include but are not limited to- alcoholic, chocoholic, chewaholic, complainaholic, foodaholic, negaholic, pornaholic, sexaholic, spendaholic, smokeaholic, sportsaholic, sodaholic, workaholic, and so on.”
I love this book because it applies to each of us as we overcome the “-holics” in our lives to find ourselves and our individual path. It’s a good read.
Phil’s site is at www.perfectbrightness.com
Clippity Clop
I live in a house built in 1889. I am sure that the clipitty clop of many horses have passed by here. In fact I have even heard and seen horses and their riders outside my window since I’ve been here.Recently, I heard a clipitty clop and looked out to see a kid on a skateboard. clipitty clopping over the cracks in the side walk Now I never know what I’ll see.
Ceil
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